Dealing With Conflict

Bible Passage: Romans 12:14-21

Conflict is part of life, and this can be just as true for those who are followers of Jesus as it is for everyone else. These conflicts sometimes come about because of the wrongs that somebody has done, but often it can simply be a personality clash, or different views about an issue. The way we deal with these things when they come up is an opportunity to demonstrate the the gospel in practice. In this sermon we explore some principles from Romans 12 that guide us about how to deal with conflict, both within the Christian community and outside it.

Lead with Blessing: The teaching of the passage is built on the words of Jesus from the sermon on the mount, where he taught his disciples to bless those who curse and to pray for those who persecute. This is, of course, exactly what Jesus did as he hung on the cross praying for those who were crucifying him. Here the application is to ordinary Christians and their personal relationships. The idea is that being wronged does not justify doing wrong ourselves. We might find ourselves on the receiving end of persecution or evil, or maybe just lower level things like inconsiderate acts or careless words, but the path of the disciple is one of peace, and rather than getting involved in an ‘arms race’ to escalate insult for insult and violence for violence, our posture is to do good even when on the receiving end of evil and diffuse the hostility of the situation with kindness and grace.

Seek Peace: This point links in with the previous one, and the goal of the disciple in a situation of conflict is to make peace and bring reconciliation out of hostility. There are a few different parts of this that are highlighted in the passage. Firstly, verse 15 speaks of how we empathise with what other people are going through. Learning to share in the joy and sadness that others experience is a big step towards being able to understand where they are coming from in the conflict and find common ground with them. Second is humility. Verse 16 speaks of being willing to associate with those in low positions and not be conceited. Sometimes conflict comes about when we think of ourselves as better than others, and having a right and humble view of ourselves is a powerful antidote to this. Thirdly, verse 18 speaks of choosing to make peace wherever possible. This includes being ready to apologise (even when the other person has done wrong too), forgive and seek ways towards harmony and reconciliation where possible.

Trust God: Whilst the passage calls us to do what we can to make peace, it is also realistic that this is not always possible. Verse 18 caveats the instruction to make peace with ‘as far as it depends on you’. Sometime the other person involved is not willing to be reconciled, and in this case you do what you can and then rest knowing that the responsibility for the rift does not lie on your shoulders. Similarly there may be some situations where reconciliation is not possible because of the extent to which trust has been broken, and in these cases being at peace may be more to do with doing internal work regarding bitterness and hostility than the relationship returning to what it was. Either way, the call is to do what can be done and then trust God, knowing that ultimately things will be in his hands. Where wrongs have been committed, we know that God is fair and will judge justly and we can entrust things to him.

Potential Applications:

• There may be those present who are currently in situations of conflict with others. Encourage them to identify one step they can take towards making peace in response to this message.
• As well as being reconciled to other people, each of us needs to be reconciled to God. You could use this opportunity to speak of how God has given his son to make peace and invite people to put their trust in him and find forgiveness.